Took a miniature vacation with friends from college two weeks ago now. Its become a bit of a tradition among a few of us as we try to reconnect and disconnect at the same time. I’m such a multifaceted person sometimes I find myself consumed with one portion of me only to be reminded by friends, family and lovers of all my other sides. I generally take the ride down overnight in an effort to miss as little time with my friends as possible but almost always end up in somebody’s back seat napping the whole way to our destination. I had a beautiful breakfast at my best friends home as we discussed food, health, and in the same vain becoming parents. I’m mystified at how easily this conversation flows for us when a while ago it was the dreaded topic only discussed when there was negligence. Now with 90% of my friends married or with children I’m slowly warming up to the concepts, largely due to that clock that seems to be getting louder and louder as it ticks.
I’m fortunate that my family hasn’t chimed in with that clock to add further pressure, but as I plan and plan and plan some more… a family is a reoccurring bullet on my life list. I worry at my comfort level with caring for myself alone. My routine, my habits, my extremely finicky ways…I’d hate to be a tyrant in the name of “who the hell spilled this red stuff on my couch?” I know myself and as cute as a miniature version of myself and my beloved would be, I can assure you there will be moments when I stare at it’s presence with a far worse enigmatic expression than I apply to general annoyances. Low key, maybe high key, depending on if you’ve counted the number of baby pictures I’ve pinned on my wedding board and tried to hide by simply liking the pictures, I’m still interested in a sippy cup full of sass to match my tall glass. I’ve resolved to leave it up to a greater decision maker, and limit my musings to the blessings bestowed upon my friends and not the onsies in baby gap, in fact…when I’m tempted to breeze through at the claim of the 7 nieces and nephews I have, plus all the kids my friends have had… I simply divert that shopping desire to the athletic attire section. I’ll wish I’d gotten in shape before I had children any way.